HerMoney Podcast Episode 281: The Truth About Couples And Money

Trying to make the most of hermoney podcast episode 281? You are in the right place. Below we break it down in plain English, with practical tips you can actually use.

Key Takeaways

• Love + money and the formula for success.
• Every couple, no matter where you are in your relationship, should listen in!  Has it seemed like lately everyone you know is doing som...
• Many of us are emerging from these last couple of years with a new perspective, fully embracing that “reset button” that it feels like we hi...

Love + money and the formula for success. Every couple, no matter where you are in your relationship, should listen in! 

Has it seemed like lately everyone you know is doing something new, or looking to “freshen” an area of their life that had gotten stagnant? Numerous of us are emerging from these last couple of years with a new perspective, fully embracing that “reset button” that it feels like we hit way too numerous times. 

In this week’s episode we’re diving into how we can all hit reset on stress , specifically, the stress that we feel when tackling money matters with our partners. Unfortunately, 44% of couples admit to arguing about money, and 18% of us identify money as our greatest relationship challenge, according to new data from Fidelity Investments’ 2021 Couples & Money study.  

And even when money fights are not involved, we’re just not as “on the same page” with our partners as we need to be. Nearly 4 out of 10 people can’t correctly identify how much their partner earns, and more than half of all non-retired couples disagree on how much savings will lead them to the retirement of their dreams, according to that same Fidelity study. 

The truth is, we all need to be talking about our money more , a lot more , to get to a better, more empowered place in our relationships. Stacey Watson, head of Life Event Planning at Fidelity Investments, joins us for this week’s episode to share some of the insight she’s gained in her role , every day she lets you people successfully navigate the most key financial moments in their lives, and we know you’ll love learning from her just as much as we did. 

Listen in as Jean and Stacey discuss the most impactful takeaways from Fidelity’s Couples & Money study. One major one? Although this past year we’ve seen more women than ever getting engaged in longer-term financial planning and investing, 1 in 5 women (22%) still report having little or no involvement in retirement planning. Women also doubt their abilities when it comes to money management, and we dive into how we can work on changing that once and for all. Also, while 57% of people said that major financial goals and retirement decisions are jointly made with their partner, we want that number to be closer to 100%! We discuss how to get there. 

We also get real about what this last year has done to our relationships and our finances , Did being at home together for the past year impact how couples deal with financial issues?

Speaking of being together, it’s very simple to wake up one day and realize how deeply your finances are intertwined with your significant other, which is why it’s so key for us to be intentional about it from the beginning. Stacey breaks down how to have conversations with your partner about money whether you’re just dating, cohabitating, or if you’re married. She offers us a step-by-step rundown on the types of conversations that people in different stages of a relationship should be having. 

We also explain what a “financial date night” should look like, and how we can all successfully navigate the kinds of difficult money conversations that we might rather avoid , you know the kind. The kind around sensitive topics like debt, overspending, or something else that couples frequently disagree on. We take a look at the “guard rails” regarding those conversations, and how to broach discussions around will and estate planning. Stacey offers her best pieces of advice for every couple looking to get to a better place with their money, and their discussions around money. 

In Mailbag, we advise a reader who is worried that it’s too late to start having money conversations after 35 years with her husband, and we discuss how to get on a “retirement budget” even if you’ve never had a budget before in your life. We also talk about negotiating the tricky topic of paying for private school with a spouse who doesn’t want to foot the bill for a private education. And in Thrive, why you already have a prenuptial agreement…even if you didn’t sign one. 

For more information on the topic of couples and money, check out Fidelity’s Life Events Hub, which offers a wealth of material to help couples make sound financial decisions. There’s also a helpful checklist here to help make it easier for couples to start talking about money matters and planning. 

Transcript

Stacey Watson: (00:02) Our big message is - It’s okay to delegate, but don’t abdicate. Because both partners being involved in financial decisions really lets you build confidence about the financial future. And I think a big part of this issue with women is around building confidence, and feeling informed can increase that confidence.

Jean Chatzky: (00:29) HerMoney is supported by Fidelity Investments. You work too hard for your money to let it sit on the sidelines. Fidelity lets you you learn how to demand more from your money every day. Visit Fidelity.com/HerMoney to learn more. Hey everybody, thanks so much for joining me today on HerMoney, has it seemed like everyone you know is doing something new or looking to freshen up an area of their life that has gotten a little bit stagnant. It has absolutely felt that way to me. And when I look around, I see a lot of friends, changing jobs, taking steps to get that long debated certification, moving to a new state - which I did by the way - and overall seeking to have less stress in their lives than they did perhaps before the pandemic. And I have to say, I love seeing all of this change. I feel like so numerous of us are really trying to emerge from these last couple of years with a new perspective, fully embracing that reset button.

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Jean Chatzky: (01:35) Today, though, it’s that less stress part that we’re going to dive into, particularly as it relates to women and money. And I wanted to do this show now because it’s just time because when we change jobs or shift our priorities, all the while spending more at home with our spouses or significant others, let me tell you, it’s absolutely time to talk about money with your partner. Unfortunately, 44% of couples admit to arguing about money and 18% identify money as their greatest relationship challenge. That is new data from Fidelity Investments, 2021 couples and money study. And even if we’re not fighting, frankly, we are just not sufficiently informed, nearly four out of 10 people can’t correctly identify how much their partner earns. And more than half of all retired couples disagree on how much savings will lead them to the retirement of their dreams. And I know there are probably some of you listening who are saying, I never fight with my partner about money and I know what his or her paycheck looks like.

Jean Chatzky: (02:52) And that’s amazing. But even if that is you honestly, how frequently you talking about money and I’m not, by the way, talking about that quick discussion that you had, about how much you dropped at Costco on Sunday afternoon, I’m talking about the real discussions about life-changing money moves like buying houses and pursuing master’s degrees and having kids and retirement. The truth is we could all be talking about our money more and we need to be talking about it more and to help us dive into all of this and to get to a better place with money. And with our relationships is Stacey Watson. Stacey is head of Life Event Planning at Fidelity and in her role, she lets you people navigate the moments that matter most in our lives. Before joining Fidelity, Stacey spent 20 years at Harley Davidson. We will absolutely be talking about that. She earned her MBA from the Kellogg school of management at Northwestern, and she is a registered yoga instructor. And this is amazing. She also does improv comedy on the side, Stacey welcome. I’m so glad you’re here.

Stacey Watson: (04:09) Thanks for having me. I want

Jean Chatzky: (04:11) To dive into this couples and money study, but first I want to hear a little bit about you. As you know, I have worked with Fidelity for a long time now. And when you were getting ready to join, I kept hearing about this amazing woman who was coming from Harley Davidson. Tell us a little bit about life and your job and your interest and what getting women to drive motorcycles taught you about getting women to engage more fully in our investments.

Stacey Watson: (04:40) Well, Jean, you talked at the top about people trying something new and putting more pazazz into their lives and embracing that reset button. And all of that just really resonates with me. I’m always trying to pick up a new skill. And after 20 years at Harley Davidson, I took a year off to figure out what was next for me. And during that time, I tried my hand at all kinds of things like studying improv and learning to draw and other things that were really scary to me, but they also really re-energized me and gave me perspective and greater confidence about what I could do. And I knew that I wanted my next chapter to have a really strong sense of purpose. And I also reflected on my experience that my mom and I had when my dad was terminally ill. And I knew I just wanted to make it easier for people to navigate the moments that really matter in their lives. And as you mentioned, I talked to a lot of people at Fidelity before I started working there. And we really found that there were these similarities between getting women to fulfill their dreams of wanting to ride a Harley Davidson motorcycle and getting women to fulfill their dreams in life through finances. And those similarities are things like building confidence, learning your way, educating yourself. So there’s really a lot in common.

Jean Chatzky: (06:12) What jumped out most about the couples and money study that Fidelity just feel that.

Stacey Watson: (06:18) Yeah, well, first of all, I was really encouraged to see that the vast majority of couples. So they communicate very well about finances and that’s excellent. And yet the fact that nearly four in 10, completely missed the mark on how much their partner earns is a little bit troubling to say the least. And what’s worse, almost 10% of those who got it wrong were off by $25,000 or more and salaries. Aren’t the only topic that couples struggle with more than half of couples disagree on how much money they need for retirement. So I think the point is that no matter how well you think you work together, there’s always room to improve.

Jean Chatzky: (06:58) What do you think is up with that salary number? I mean, why do you think it is that we don’t know what our spouse earns or we think we know, but we’re off by a really significant amount. Do you think that we’re just avoiding the question, do you think we feel like even though we’re married to this person, it’s not our business what’s going on?

Stacey Watson: (07:19) Um, I think it’s all of that. I think having conversations about money can be uncomfortable. I think people lead busy lives and I also think people just get complacent and don’t take the time to have the conversation. And that’s how we get so far apart in knowing what reality is.

Jean Chatzky: (07:39) I noticed that the study, as in years past continues to see women taking a backseat, doubting our abilities, lacking confidence in managing our money and investing. And about 22% of women say they have no involvement or little involvement in retirement planning. What can we do to change that? Because it is clearly a problem.

Stacey Watson: (08:03) Well, we’ve been conducting this study since 2007. And historically we have seen that women can take a less active role, especially when it comes to longer term planning and investing. But the good news is that over the last year, and maybe this is due to all the pressures from the pandemic, we have

Final Thoughts

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Originally published at savingswitch.com.